My students often say really funny things. Sometimes it's on purpose
and sometimes it's by accident, but it always brightens my day. I've
posted these on Facebook as they've happened, though, of course, not
everyone who reads this blog is a friend of mine on Facebook. I don't
post these to get a laugh at the expense of my students, but rather to
record some of the amusing quirks of teaching English as a second
language, as well as the creativity and sense of humor my students often
display. Enjoy!
----------
Me: So, what did you get for #7?
Students: (enthusiastically) Shut up!
Me: Actually, it's pronounced SHOOT up.
----------
Me: Why is Jim so mad?
Student: He's upset about the erection results.
Me: Election.
ELECtion results.
----------
Student: You're so spicky about food! (Pronounced like the racial slur)
Me: Er, let's do that one more time. SPIcy!
----------
Me: So, we're having a birthday party. How can you offer to help?
Student: I'll bring a dress.
Me: Remember, you want to help in some way. Maybe 'I'll lend you a dress'?
Student: Okay.
Me: Alright, great!
I'll be A, please be B. We're
going to have a birthday party! We're
going to need gifts, music and a cake.
Student: I'll lend you a dress.
Me: (looks at clothes carefully) Well, if you think me
cross-dressing will make the party better…
*Student finally understands what she said and cracks
up.*
----------
Student: Look at that gay by the water fountain! That's
amazing!
Me: Actually, it's pronounced 'guy'...
----------
Student: Can I shit here?
Me: Remember, it's 'si,' not 'shi.' SIT.
----------
Student: Hoover Dam was built by over sixteen people.
Me: Sorry, you missed a word. It's sixteen thousand people.
Student: Ah, sorry!
Hoover Dam was built by over sixty thousand people.
Me: Let's try that again...
----------
(A and B are roommates)
Student A: Can I talk to you for a minute?
Student B: Sure, what's up?
Student A: Could you pick up my handkerchief?
Student B: You can pick up your own handkerchief!
----------
Me: Okay, we're roommates, and we're at home talking
about hypothetical situations. So, what
would you do if…
Student: What would you do if I changed the locks?
----------
Student: I got boned in the meeting.
Me: Sorry, it's 'bored.'
I got BORED in the meeting.
----------
Student A: I'm going to lunch. Do you want to go?
Student B: Sorry, I can't. I'm meeting my girlfriend for lunch. I think she's more important than you.
Me: That might be true, but it's not very nice! Let me teach you 'no offense'…
----------
Student A: What do you think that woman is?
Student B: She must be a man. She has an Adam's apple.
Student A: She could be a woman. Her skin looks silky smooth!
Student C: I think she's a man. She has a five o'clock shadow.
Student B: Actually, she might be a woman. I don't think that's an Adam's apple, I think
it's a tumor.
Me: You mean she has throat cancer?
Student B: No, a good tumor!
Me: Okay, let's wrap this one up. Also, let me teach you 'in drag' and 'drag
queen'…
----------
Student: How do you like your job?
Me: It's great! I
have to wear a suit every day, though.
Student: Do you have to clean my apartment?
Me: I should hope not!
----------
Me: If you don't know the name of a place, you can talk
about its location instead. For example,
the Italian restaurant on Main Street, or the one on the corner of Birch and
Pine.
Student: Ah, okay!
Bitch and Pin. *Starts writing
this down.*
Me: Whoa, not quite!
It's Birch and Pine, with an 'r'.
If it had a 't', it would be a very bad word.
Student: Oh.
*Crosses out 'birch' and writes 'bitch'.*
Me: No no no, you had it right! I just didn't want you to use a bad word by
mistake.
Student: Okay, I see.
What does 'bitch' mean?
Me: Well, mostly we use it to talk about women we don't
like…
----------
Me: Also, we can link 'had an'…
Student: Had an…
Me: …and 'an electrician.'
Student: …an erection.
Me: Sorry, one more time.
Electrician.
Student: Electrician.
Me: Okay, good.
So, 'I had an electrician.'
Student: I had an erection.
Me: Er, let's try that one more time…
----------
Student: So, does it snow in your hometown?
Me: No, it hasn't snowed in San Francisco for over 40 years!
Student: Wow! Do
you remember it?
Me: How old do you think I am, anyway?!
----------
Me: When anime comes to the US and gets an English dub,
Kansai accents often get changed into southern accents.
Student: Why is that?
Me: Well, they're both often seen as 'hick' accents.
Student: Hick?
Me: It's a negative word that means people who live in
the countryside.
Student: Oh, okay!
(Brightly, as if learning a new favorite word) Hicks!
----------
(Me getting grilled by the child of a student, with a great
deal of prompting from his mother)
Boy: Where are you from?
Me: I'm from America.
Boy: Do you know Bon Jovi?
Me: Yes, I do.
Boy: Do you know Jon Bon Jovi?
Me: Yes.
Boy: Did you see Bon Jovi?
Me: No, I have never seen Bon Jovi.
Boy: Do you know New York?
Me: Yes, of course!
Boy: Do you like New York?
Me: It's okay. I
have never been there, though.
Boy: Do you know New Jersey?
Me: Yeah.
Boy: I love—like Matt!
Do you like me?
Me: Sure I do!
Boy: How much?
Me: (changing the subject) Say, do you like One Piece?
----------
Me: So, we're planning a dinner party with our
classmates. What's a can or should
question we could ask?
Male Student: Should I wear a dress? Wait, sorry – should I dress up?
Me: Okay, nice correction! I don't have time to teach you the words
about men wearing women's clothing today.
